5 Emotional Wounds by Lise Bourbeau: How They Cause Anxiety

1. The Wound of Rejection — and the Withdrawer Mask

• The first of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau is rejection, and it often begins in early childhood when a child perceives that they are emotionally, mentally, or even physically unwanted.
• This soul wound can develop in response to a parent who is overly critical, emotionally unavailable, or who projects their insecurities onto the child. For example, a father may have longed for a daughter instead of a son, or a mother might feel burdened or overwhelmed by her child's emotional needs.
• Rejection in these moments can lead to the internalization of the belief that one is unworthy or not good enough. The result is a soul wound that’s closely tied to feelings of isolation and the fear of being judged, which are common triggers for anxiety.
• Those with the rejection wound often develop the mask of withdrawal to cope. They usually distance themselves from others and avoid situations where they might be rejected again.
• This behavior can amplify loneliness and anxiety, particularly in social or professional environments where vulnerability is key. If you carry this soul wound, the fear of speaking up, sharing ideas, or forming relationships can be overwhelming.
• You might also find yourself striving for perfection, avoiding relationships, or struggling with a deep sense of “not belonging.” Physically, you may appear rigid, tense, and disconnected from your body.
• This soul wound is often the hardest of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau to identify. Here’s why: Those who carry it tend to vanish emotionally rather than reach out for help.

2. The Wound of Abandonment — and the Dependent Mask

• The second of the 5 wounds of the soul by Bourbeau is abandonment. It arises from moments when a child feels neglected or emotionally unsupported, leaving them with a lasting fear of being left alone.
• Indeed, children can feel or learn that their emotional needs aren’t a priority when one or both caregivers are absent or inconsistent. As a result, this abandonment soul wound fosters deep-seated insecurity and a need for constant reassurance.
• As adults, individuals with the abandonment wound may find themselves clinging to others or forming dependent relationships. These can, paradoxically, heighten their anxiety or certain phobias when faced with the possibility of losing those bonds.
• The dependent mask takes shape to deal with the fears arising from abandonment. This manifests in clinginess and the need to become a people-pleaser who’s reliant on external validation and connection.
• This behavior often manifests in fear of uncertainty, a hesitance to make decisions, or difficulty navigating periods of solitude. Physically, those carrying the abandonment wound may appear needy, with a body that seems to reach out for support.
• Emotionally, they struggle with emptiness and often find themselves in relationships where they give too much, hoping to prevent the other person from leaving. For anxious individuals, this wound can be especially triggering.
• This is one of the 5 wounds of the soul that often leads to codependency, emotional burnout, and chronic anxiety — scars that fuel self-doubt and unease.

3. The Wound of Humiliation — and the Masochist Mask

• The third of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau is humiliation. It stems from early experiences of shame or embarrassment, often caused by being belittled or criticized by caregivers or peers.
• Even having a child’s freedom restricted, their needs controlled, or their developing sense of independence shamed can contribute to this soul wound.
• Parents who are overly protective, invasive of privacy, or shaming around natural bodily functions can inadvertently inflict this wound.
• To protect themselves, people with a humiliating soul wound adopt the masochist mask. If you are one, you might present yourself as self-sacrificing, taking up less space than you deserve while struggling with feelings of shame and worthlessness.
• Physically, you may appear contracted, with slumped shoulders or a tendency to make yourself smaller. You could also struggle with setting healthy boundaries, putting others’ needs far ahead of your own, as well as over-giving in relationships.
• This inner child wound often leads to feelings of resentment or frustration that, when left unchecked, fuel anxiety and emotional stress. For many, this is one of the most complex of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau, because the wound turns inward.
• It can manifest as anxiety around being seen, evaluated, or judged by others, leading to performance anxiety, social anxiety, and intense fear of embarrassment.
• Many with this soul wound experience stomach-related anxiety symptoms, reflecting the gut-level impact of shame. Among the 5 wounds of the soul, humiliation often disguises itself as kindness or humility, even as it quietly erodes self-esteem.

4. The Wound of Betrayal — and the Controller Mask

• The fourth of the 5 wounds of the soul in Bourbeau’s framework is betrayal. Also translated as “treason” in the original French, this soul wound forms when a child feels deceived, manipulated, or let down by someone they deeply trusted.
• It can develop when promises are broken or the child is forced to grow up too quickly. This wound leaves individuals grappling with issues of trust and loyalty, often leading to a fear of being hurt or let down again.
• Those carrying the betrayal wound develop the controller/suspicious mask. They become vigilant, controlling, and distrustful, believing they must take charge to prevent being disappointed again.
• Physically, they often appear strong and capable, with a body that seems ready for action. Emotionally, they struggle with suspicion and may have difficulty trusting others' motives.
• Among the soul wounds outlined by Lise Bourbeau, betrayal is particularly tied to emotional hypervigilance. This state of constant alertness for potential threats serves as ground for anxiety disorders.
• People with this wound are constantly scanning for signs of danger, disappointment, or disloyalty. They often seek to dominate or micromanage their relationships and environments to feel secure.

1. Rejection: The Fear of Being “Too Much” or “Not Enough”

The wound of rejection cultivates a deep-seated fear of not being good enough or wanted, leading to intense feelings of inadequacy.

Here’s how this inner child wound from the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau commonly manifests:

• Fear of Judgment: A profound terror of social judgment makes every interaction feel like a test. You become hyper-aware of how others perceive you, amplifying overthinking and the fear of criticism.
• Avoidance Behavior: To shield yourself from further rejection, you might avoid engaging in job interviews, teamwork, or confrontation. Avoidance becomes a safety strategy since the potential for rejection feels unbearable leading to social anxiety in some cases.

2. Abandonment: The Anxiety of Being Left Behind

The second of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau is abandonment. It instills a deep fear of being left alone or unsupported, often creating patterns of over-attachment and insecurity.

The abandonment aspect of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau typically fuels:

• Fear of Isolation: Intense physical and emotional responses to separation manifest in a racing heart, difficulty breathing, and catastrophic thinking. These responses are usually disproportionate to the actual situation.
• Dependency Patterns: You may cling excessively to others for reassurance to counteract your fear. This manifests as excessive checking in and difficulty trusting others, thus overwhelming and pushing them away.

3. Humiliation: When Anxiety Is Rooted in Shame

The wound of humiliation feeds into a cycle of self-judgment and shame, leading to a constant fear of ridicule or disapproval.

Out of the 5 emotional wounds by Lise Bourbeau, someone with this wound experiences acute anxiety around being seen, judged, or found wanting in some fundamental way. This wound typically generates:

• Oversensitivity to Criticism: Small remarks or feedback trigger overwhelming feelings of embarrassment or unworthiness. This heightened sensitivity leaves individuals in a constant state of vigilance, always bracing for judgment.
• Self-Sacrificing Tendencies: To avoid negative attention, you might prioritize others’ needs over your own, often at great personal cost. This pattern fosters anxiety, as you feel trapped by the inability to assert yourself or set boundaries.